THIS JUST IN!!!

HEINZ KETCHUP IS NON-PARTISAN!

Thank god. Oh, thank god. Thank you, god.

(this is a true headline that I just heard on NPR, based on a Heinz press release. what. the. h-e-double-hockey-sticks. i’m sure – really, 100% positive – that there are about, oh, a BILLION things going on in the world that are more important. my goodness.)

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